Dear Barney,
We are closely nearing the time for Thanksgiving, and I am reflecting on all that I have to be thankful for. When this year first began, I had no concept of how difficult of a year it would be for me. It has been my most amazing, challenging, and life-altering year of my life, no question. It has made me think more and grow more spiritually, and it has seen more self-reflection than probably a good ten other years of my life combined.
I recently read a short story where the protagonist said, "Somehow, usually by accident, you experience joy. And the problem with joy is that it binds you to life; it makes you greedy for more happiness. You experience avarice. You hope life will go on forever." This year has brought not just joy but a total awareness of the avarice of wanting my life to continue forever and a total dread of the knowledge that there is not a chance that will happen.
I have been spending the last quarter of this year coming to terms with that fact and working to transmute the joy I feel for my earthly blessings (specifically, you and the children) into a better and stronger relationship with our Lord, who is the giver of these blessings but who has too often been overshadowed in my heart by the very blessings that He bestowed upon me.
The road has been rocky, but I am so grateful for the trials of the heart that I have gone through because I truly believe that God is using them to reveal to me his true plan for my life and to build a better relationship with me. And that can only mean that I will also be a better wife and mother as it will put me more securely on the path which He intends me to take.
I love you more today than I did yesterday, but I hope that I also love you more wisely today as well.
Always yours,
Me
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