Monday, January 31, 2011

Day 50--A Stab at Normalcy

There is some irony to be had in my title for today as I am currently writing this with a long skinny beanbag perched on top of my head and hanging down like dog ears in an attempt to sooth my aching face.  (I don't know what it's actually called--it is usually used for necks, but I have placed it in various positions all over my face and head in the last week to find something like soothing relief for a few minutes).

But, I did several non-remarkable things today that felt very remarkable to me.  First, I woke up after sleeping for over eight straight hours.  Then, after a minor crying jag (because I wasn't well enough to go to Barney's niece's birthday party today) which probably should just be erased from historical records, I put on real clothes (rather than yoga pants), and I actually blow dried and fixed my hair for the first time in far too long.  I decided makeup would just look silly though.

Then, I had a productive work morning while Barney and the kids were in Dallas enjoying the party.  When they came home, I was very active in taking care of the kids, I went grocery shopping without assistance, and then I finally fixed the spaghetti dinner that has eluded me for weeks now.

By the time I finished cleaning up dinner, I knew that I had gone too far and done too much today.  And, at first I was disappointed in the effect that it had on Barney--that is to say, not really any effect at all.  But, then I realized that all that meant was that I had been successful--I gave Barney a normal day with a normal wife who could do normal things for the first time in seven days.  It might not be much to comment on, and it is surely a sad topic for my 50th day of my project, but I honestly believe that it was appreciated.  It has to get really old having a sickie in the house when you are healthy and nothing seems to bring respite to the sick person for very long.  I'm hoping that by the end of this week, this whole episode will be nothing more than a memory not much worth thinking about.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Days 48 & 49 -- A Marathon Sickness and a TV Marathon

After another sleepless night on Friday, which culminated in a 3:00am call to the night nurse at my Obgyn's office, I knew that I was not going to recover as quickly as I hoped.  I am proud to say that I did not actually say any of the rather foul things that crossed through my head when talking to the night nurse, who may or may not have been a 15 year old candy striper with a very poor attitude.  Let me just say that if a pregnant woman is calling you at 3:00am, it's because she's run out of any other options and would not ask you questions if she had found the answer anywhere else.

I woke up Saturday morning with less congestion but intense pain in my face from the sinus infection, particularly in the cheekbones and jaws.  It basically feels like a hundred toothaches at once.  I had to suck it up and lead a conference call, though it was blessedly short.  I think they felt sorry for me based on my voice.  After that point, I called my regular doctor and pled for more ideas for things to do to relieve the pain and speed up the recovery process, and he said that I basically have to be patient.  So, my mom really stepped up for me by coming and picking up the kids.  While Barney was doing a great job watching them, it is very hard to be really sick in front of your kids.  First, they don't understand why you can't play and hold them like normal, and second, seeing you feel bad makes them feel scared.  When they left, I went straight to bed and stayed there for five hours, alternating between dozing and reading a little bit.  I didn't work or even turn on my computer.  About 5:30, I got up with the intention of eating some dinner, doing a minimal amount of work, and heading back to bed. 

But at this point, I realized that Barney was really at loose ends.  He was caught up on work, had no kids to watch, and didn't want to go out with friends because he wanted to be here for me (despite sincere encouragement on my part).  So, I agreed to watch some movie that I didn't have much interest in that we've had from Netflix for several weeks.  About 20 minutes in, we gave it up as the worst film ever.  Barney still wanted to watch something though, so he started to peruse our instant watch library and found a television show called Kidnapped that he'd always wanted to see.  It only ran one season back in 2006.  I agreed to try one out.  Between 8:00pm last night and 2:00pm this afternoon, we watched all 13 episodes.  It was really fun, and it allowed me to rest in bed while also doing something with Barney that he wanted to do.  It was a perfect solution, and it just sort of fell into my lap.  The downside is that I am now (and seemingly perpetually these days) further behind in my work than I would like to be.  But that seems par for the course these days.

I just also want to state for the record that as soon as I am well, I am going to have to do something to make myself have feminine appeal again--poor Barney has seen me with either nose strips or tissue stuffed up my nose, unfixed hair, in pajamas, and constantly either coughing up gook or blowing my nose for six days now.  Maybe my goal for tomorrow can just simply be to try to be something resembling pretty for him.  Also, maybe I should try to cook some food--that seems a bit over-zealous though ;)

Friday, January 28, 2011

Days 46 & 47-- Just Trying to See the Other Side

I don't want to dwell on sickness, since that is what this blog has been about for roughly the past 10 days.  But, the inescapable fact is that someone in this house has been sick for that many days, and it has greatly interrupted our lives and plans.  To be more specific and more current, the sick person has been me since Tuesday.  I am very happy that the other three are recovered, but for whatever reason, the road to recovery has been much longer for me.  I finally broke down yesterday and went to see my general practioner.  I initially called my Obgyn, but he was out for the day and merely called in a prescription for something that I felt was not going to be overly helpful.  So, I went to my regular doc, who gave me a steriod shot, a breathing treatment, and penicillin.  Today, I am something like better, though if I had not experienced yesterday, I would have felt that today was about as bad as it could get.

As such, Barney has been facing a tedious road these last few days.  His life basically consists of taking care of the kids, and when he can, taking care of me.  My parents very thoughtfully offered to take the kids for a day or so to give us a rest, but Barney said no.  I think he is seeing this as a test of himself as a parent and a husband somehow and to accept outside help would be admitting that he can't do it.  And, I have to admit that he really is doing great.  If there was ever a time to show him deliberate acts of love, right now is it.  The problem is that I'm too sick to do much.  I can't drive, can't cook, can't even eat.  He wanted tacos for lunch, and I was all for the idea.  But, he didn't want to eat tacos by himself, and even my offer to go with him was not what he wanted.  All I had to do to make him happy was eat a taco, but I couldn't do it. 

So, tonight, I insisted that he order a pizza, Hawaiian style, for dinner tonight, and then I watched a movie with him (Knight and Day, cute enough).  He's already conked out in bed, so I am taking the late shift to wake George for his last potty break of the night sometime between 11:00 and midnight.  I don't mind because sleeping is the worst part of the ordeal--I just get more stopped up and less capable of breathing when I try to sleep.

I want to end on some sort of pithy or thoughtful note, but what can I say?  I'm pregnant, I'm sick, I'm sick of being sick.  If there's a lesson to be learned here, I'm too close to the situation to see it yet.  So, I will just sign off with one last wishful thought of being better tomorrow and having the opportunity to write about something other than being sick.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Day 46--Focusing on the Good Things

This evening, I'm going to focus on the positive, taking a page from my sweetheart, who has always been good at that.

The good news is that since I was unable to ever fall asleep last night due to sinus pain and congestion, I was able to get all of my required work for the day done before 6:00am and was even able to catch up on my grading.

The good news is that I was also able to work on a filing project that I was woefully behind on as well last night.

The good news is that it didn't matter that the kids woke up early because I was up anyway.

The good news is that I had plenty of time to get Barney's special breakfast made before he got up at 8:30.

The good news is that he loved my trip idea and the portfolio I put together about it. He seemed to really appreciate my 35 Reason Why I Love Him.

The good news is that since the constant pain meant sleep wasn't an option, we went to the burger place and the movie anyway. (highly recommend The King's Speech by the way).

The good news is that since theatres are dark, no one could see the tissues I stuffed up each nostril.

The good news is that both kids had great days at school and then came home to quickly eat a good dinner apiece.

The good news is that they were so impatient for birthday cake that we ate it before the grownup dinner, so when I was then too worn down to make dinner, I didn't have to worry about no birthday cake time on Barney's birthday.

The good news is that Barney could tell that I wasn't up for cooking or eating dinner and so postponed his birthday dinner of his own initiative.

The good news is that he seemed to have felt loved and appreciated today. Which is good, because he is.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Day 45--You Win Universe

Guess who woke up sick again this morning??? Pick me.  I did!!  Ugh.  Olivia and I are the two worst people to get an upper respiratory infection because children under two and pregnant women cannot take cold and sinus medication.  So, we are just making do.  Luckily though, George seems to be pretty much back to his normal self, and so does Barney.  That meant that only Olivia stayed home with us today, and the good news for me is that I am so stopped up that I absolutely cannot smell her dirty diapers.  The bad news for Barney is that it meant he ended up discovering and dealing with all of them today. 

I was supposed to get a much-needed haircut today, and I had allotted three hours for that privilege.  The good news is that when I cancelled the cut, it gave me more time to deal with Barney's birthday preparations.  The bad news is that my hair still looks awful.

I've managed today to make Barney's birthday cake and a couple of other food items for tomorrow, take care of his birthday presents (basically a book on New Orleans and a portfolio I created about our trip), and get through hosting a conference call despite sniffling the entire time I talked.  I count it a successful win against this wretched week.

I made Barney a card today with a list of 35 things that I love about him (because he's turning 35), which is my gift to him for today.  However, in an effort to make tomorrow slightly more special, I decided not to give it to him until tomorrow.  It still counts though, right?

I was in bed by 11:00 last night, and I am hoping for a repeat performance on that count.  Tomorrow is a big day--pancakes and sausage balls for breakfast, a new burger place for lunch (be still my heart!), a movie matinee, and a steak dinner at home followed by birthday cake and presents.  And, somewhere in there I will be sure to get some work done, I hope.  Of course, all of this pre-supposes that Olivia will be well enough to go to school (and unless we take on a third virus in a row, she should be), and that I am well enough to get out and about (a somewhat shakier proposition).  But, I believe in making birthdays special no matter what, so I am determined to go have the healthiest sleep in the world right now so that I will be up and perky and chipper and ready to make Barney's day very special (yes, I know that sleep cannot actually transform me into someone else, but I can at least do my best impression of perky and chipper).

Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 44--And the Fun Continues

We woke up this morning to Olivia burning up with fever and having trouble breathing.  So, we first called daycare to let them know that both children would be staying home today.  Then, we made an appointment for her to go see the doctor.  They diagnosed her as having an upper respiratory infection that is entirely separate from the stomach virus we all are getting over.  And, to make things more fun, the upper respiratory infection has caused an ear infection.  So, we are still very much in crisis mode at our house.  But, George did seem to be on the mend today, as he was able to keep milk down, and we had relatively few issues with him being sick. 

Both Barney and I are pretty well worn out at this point, both physically and emotionally.  It feels like we are operating in survival mode, and both of us are fighting a tendency to be sharp towards one another when communicating, even though we aren't fighting.  So, today was definitely a day to be more deliberate in my behavior towards him.  I did this first and foremost by letting go when he was sharp with me, knowing that there was nothing really behind it.  But, we both could use a pick-me-up at this point, so when I went to the pharmacy today, I also picked up a new kind of candy bar that I thought he might like and put it in the fridge for him to find.  Then, when he mentioned a favorite restaurant tonight that is on my "Absolutely Not" list during pregnancy, I agreed to it.

Tomorrow is my last day to prepare for his birthday, and I have so much to do, but I honestly think that the best thing I could do for him and myself is to go to bed early tonight, so that is my number one goal at this point.  Hopefully when you hear from me tomorrow, I will be more coherent and rested.  We shall see.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Days 42 & 43--A Looooong Weekend

I was going to be shocked if it didn't happen--and of course it did.  I woke up yesterday morning sick as a dog.  Unfortunately, none of the other three were really in any better shape than I was.  I'm not even sure how we managed to get through the day, except that we all took turns napping as possible between cleaning up sick messes and watching way too much Curious George.  Unfortunately, Olivia is not just facing stomach upset but also congestion, which has proved significant, because she is not sleeping well.  I was up at 6:00am with her yesterday (when normal wake up time is around 7:30am), and she did not sleep for more than 45 minutes at a stretch yesterday.  George on the other hand had multiple really good naps, which helped us all out a lot.  Barney really stepped up yesterday, which was good, because I couldn't get out of bed between 9:00am-noon and then fell back asleep on the couch at 6:30 last night for an hour.

So, today it was my turn to step up.  I got to sleep in until 8:00, which was nice, but once I got up, Barney went back to sleep for about an hour and a half.  During that time, there were three sick episodes to deal with.  I also started trying to clean up the house some--no easy task, in part because I'm still not really well and in part because the house is in such bad shape.  Let me just illustrate one small sample of things we had to deal with this weekend--at one point today, George decided to play hide and seek by hiding in the cabinet under the stairs, where he proceeded to have an accident all over everything.  When I say the house is a nightmare, that's not really an exaggeration.  I've done seven loads of laundry today and will be washing all beds tomorrow.  I thought that today would be the recovery day, but it really wasn't.  We know for sure that George will be staying home tomorrow with us, and we will decide for sure about Olivia in the morning. 

I'm not sure either of us will ever really catch up on work--and I really wanted to take this Wednesday off because it's Barney's birthday.  I have plans for a homemade breakfast, lunch out, a movie matinee, and a home cooked dinner.  Of course, that necessitates a trip to the grocery store, which I haven't been able to take the last three days both for obvious reasons and because I haven't managed to put on anything but a new set of PJs each day.  We are out of just about everything except the dairy foods that we can't eat at this point.  Shopping's a must for tomorrow.

So, in terms of this project, I didn't really have anything preset yesterday, as it was a huge team effort just to get through the day.  Tonight though, I'm going to write Barney a thank you note to put under his pillow so that he knows that I am both aware of how great he was this weekend and that I really appreciate it.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Day 41--Does Normality Exist Anymore?

I've noticed through blogging on here that I often wake up with one set of expectations for the day only to find that my day with no plans and no kinks in it is quickly turned into something entirely different.  Today was the doozy of all of those days.  I was supposed to get to sleep in this morning, and the kids did not wake up until 8:15, so we both got the special treat of sleeping in.  But, Barney is slow in getting up and seems to not feel very good.  Finally, he's up, and I am in bed contemplating getting up when I hear the sound of retching.  When I reach the bathroom, I see George doubled up over the toilet, throwing up.  He insists that he is fine though and that he just choked.  So, I work on getting him cleaned up while Barney gets Olivia dressed.  Both kids head downstairs with Barney for some milk and a light breakfast, and I stay upstairs getting ready until I hear the urgent call from downstairs that Barney is in need of assistance.  George was sick again.

So, I clean him up again and settle him on the couch to watch cartoons while the rest of us finish getting ready.  Barney takes Olivia to school, and when he comes home, it is immediately apparent to me that he is also sick.  So, he is sent upstairs to rest.  Then, within an hour, school calls to let me know that Olivia has been throwing up.  I quickly head to school and pick her up, and from 10:30 this morning on, I have been taking care of three sick people.  They are all bathed and in bed sleeping now, and I am going to go soak for a while and head that way myself.  I am not anticipating a full night's sleep as George's last act before bed was one more throw up for fun (I lost count around 8 times today for the poor little guy).

So, there was no movie matinee this afternoon, just like there was no spaghetti dinner the night before.  Romance is becoming harder and harder to come by these days--and that's with me deliberately trying.  It makes me wonder where romance would fit into our lives if I wasn't making a deliberate effort.  The good news though is that I did find a bed and breakfast that had availability and met all of my requirements for our big trip.  It is booked, and that is one thing out of the way.  Catching up on work though is a whole different story.....

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Day 40--Apparently Dial Up Still Exists

Today's gesture turned out to be a cancellation of my own plans in favor of Barney's plans.  My idea for today was that I would make a nice meal that the two of us could enjoy after the kids went down while we watched the return of Community and The Office (two of Barney's favorite shows, though not really mine).  We used to always eat after the kids went to bed, but we've drifted into a family dinner time, which I think is much healthier and is a trend I want to keep.  But, sometimes it is nice just to sit and enjoy our food without dealing with Olivia deciding she is done and thus thrusting all of the uneaten food off of her tray and onto the floor or George procrastinating eating by climbing into our laps and making it impossible for us to eat.  Plus, I was going to make spaghetti, which I love.  I was rather looking forward to the event.

But, at about 5:30, Barney started suggesting to me that perhaps I was too busy to cook.  I assured him that this was not the case.  Five minutes later, he brought it up again, commenting that he could run out and pick up some fettuccine alfredo (one of his favorites) and that we could just eat with the kids.  I finally cottoned onto the fact that he was hungry and craving fettuccine.  So, we switched plans.  And Olivia threw her food on the floor, and George sat in my lap and cut up a breadstick into crumbs.  But, Barney was happy, and so was I (which is quite a change from this morning, as you will see).

I've been pouring over hotel websites and travel websites to figure out where to stay when we are in NO, and I've been toying with the idea of using Hotwire to get a good deal on a hotel for several days now.  The upside is that they were advertising a four star hotel with good reviews in a good part of town for almost 50% less than any four star was getting on any other websites.  The downside is that you have no idea what hotel you are getting and that it's non-refundable.  I used the amenities list and the map to narrow it down to 8 possible hotels, 5 of which I thought would be good fits.  I either want something that is very upscale and elegant or something that is full of character and New Orleans style.  The other requirements for me are that I want at least a queen sized bed (remember I will be 8 months pregnant at this point) and must have high speed internet in the room.

So, I queried Hotwire and was told I could request a bed size after the purchase, and the amenities list included high speed internet access in the room.  I purchased the emergency cancellation insurance (just in case something were to happen with the baby) and made the plunge.  The name of my hotel popped right up, and I was immediately very disappointed.  It was an Intercontinental Hotel--not exactly the W or the Waldorf Astoria that were my other options that fit the description I got.  But, I started researching to find out the good things about the hotel.  The more I saw though, the more upset I became--like really upset.  It has to be the only hotel in NO with absolutely no character.  The Comfort Inn is prettier on the outside for crying out loud, and the pictures of the rooms are straight from the 1980s (which is when it was built, so that makes sense).  The positive reviews primarily focused on an extremely friendly staff, but that is not that important to me.

Then, as I was trying to figure out whether or not I would have to pay for internet in my room, I became suspicious that something was up.  The hotel website did not list internet access in the room.  After reading reviews, I figured out that the rooms are wired for internet--dial upFor a fee!  I immediately saw an out because Hotwire had advertised high speed internet available in room, and dial up is not high speed my friends.  So, I placed a call to Hotwire (definitely upset by this point), where I let them know that because my husband and I both would need to work from our computers on our trip, I would need to find a different hotel.  It took a while to get things arranged because Hotwire is pretty adamant (and clear on their site) about no refunds, but I finally convinced them that dial up and high speed are not the same thing.  They are going to make the hotel stop listing that as an amenity on Hotwire's site, and in the meantime, I got a full refund.

The (very) good news is that we are not stuck staying at this hotel that was not a good fit for what I want, but the bad news is that I am back to square one on the hotel search.  I still can't believe that I convinced Hotwire to give me a refund.  And, I really can't believe that dial up internet still exists outside of museums and movies from the early 1990s.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 39--Bath time Routine

Today's gesture was a small one to be sure--I took over bath time with the kids this evening.  Bath time is one of those things that somewhere along the line became Barney's job.  Usually I am doing something like cooking dinner, cleaning up dinner, cleaning up the house, etc, and so Barney would inherit the job of giving the kids their bath pretty often.  After time, it just sort of became his job.  I think this started about the time that Olivia became old enough to be able to bathe with her big brother.  It's not that Barney doesn't like giving the kids a bath or that I mind the job, it's just something that he is usually in charge of that he didn't have to do tonight.

But, if I am totally honest, I have to admit that it was not my most successful gesture ever.  I don't think that the issue was the size of the gesture at all.  As usual, it came down to an attitude.  Barney has been working hard on a new project for his company, and he has been really caught up in the project.  And this has led to him being a tiny bit brusque with me over the last couple of days.  I'm trying not to take it personally, but this evening I was kind of in a bad mood after feeling brushed off or like an annoying impediment to his real goals for the whole day.  So, I gave the kids a bath, but the mindset was off, and I knew it.

Since the kids have been to bed though, we've had a nice and relaxing evening just the two of us, and I feel like the equilibrium is back.  And, since he's busy playing Xbox, I am going to get busy getting online and planning our itinerary for our big trip.  I've got dates nailed down now, so I can really get started at this point.

--I did want to give one update though--last night, when I signed off to go try to get some work done and etc, Barney called to tell me that we had a showing, from 6:30 to 7:30.  At this point, it was 5:00pm, and Olivia was just waking up from her nap (remember she was sick all day yesterday).  So, we had an hour and a half to get the house ready while taking care of a sick baby and keeping our healthy toddler from just making messes everywhere.  Then, we couldn't go anywhere because Olivia was sick.  So, we got Wendys and went and sat in our car a block from the house thinking that they would get there around 6:30 and that we would be back in the house by 7:00.  An hour and a half later, we escaped from the car and were able to come in the house and put the kids in bed.  I have to admit that there were as good as they could possibly be, but it was a very, very long 90 minutes.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 38--A Sick Baby

Last night, we decided to start a movie within minutes of putting George down for the night around 8:30pm.  Within the first five minutes, I could hear a baby crying but assumed it was in the background of the movie.  After a minute or so, I became aware that the crying was coming from inside my house rather than the movie, and when we went upstairs to check on Olivia, we found her completely covered in her own throw up and very unhappy about it.  This of course required a bath, clothing change, and bedding change.  We got all of this taken care of and went back downstairs and re-started the movie only to find ourselves repeating the same pattern--twice more.  Rinse, repeat.  Rinse, repeat.

She seemed to have it all out of her system by 1:00am, so I headed to bed.  We started back up at 6:30am this morning and have been fighting the cycle all day.  My gift to Barney has been to take care of our little one as much as possible, allowing him to first sleep in and then get work done throughout the day.  As a result, I'm still in my PJs, behind in work, and I feel like I'm definitely a little smelly myself at this point (though I keep telling myself that I'm just paranoid).  Hopefully it's a 24 hour bug, and our little one will be back to normal by tomorrow.

Barney's already requested some take-out for dinner, so that is off my plate, which is nice.  I've done 7 loads of laundry today, and only two of them have not been puke-related.  I know today's post is short, but I'm headed upstairs to tackle some folding.  Hopefully, next time I post in here it will be from a puke-free household ;)

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 37--A Cookies and Cream Milkshake

Remember when I mentioned my weird food aversions?  They extend to include ice cream for the most part.  It's not that I hate ice cream; it's just not my favorite.  I'm unlikely to eat it unless a rare mood strikes.  Barney really likes it, but for whatever reason, when we have it at home, he also rarely eats it.  So, what happens is that a few times a year we buy a gallon of ice cream for a party.  It gets half eaten at the party, and then it takes up a whole bunch of space in our freezer until I secretly throw it out a few months later.  We bought ice cream for Marshall's birthday celebration this weekend, and very little of it was eaten.  So, today, I made a cookies and cream milkshake to both use up some of the ice cream and to provide a special after lunch treat.  I think he liked it, and he definitely appreciated the gesture.

But....I promised to share my plan for the birthday/Valentine's day surprise today, and frankly, that's much more exciting than a milkshake.  My man literally has nothing that he wants for his birthday this year, and it is usually a bit of a stretch to come up with additional items after Christmas--then Valentine's day is always a beating in terms of coming up with gift ideas.  So, this year I decided to surprise him with a trip.  (We went to DC last year just the two of us, and it was a really great experience).  But, since we are saving up to buy a new house, it couldn't be anything extravagant.  I also didn't want to just do something in Texas because we've visited every part of Texas that has struck our fancy.  Staying in a bed and breakfast is more for the girl than the guy, so I have literally spent months trying to come up with an idea for a trip with no luck.

But, this week I came up with the idea of visiting New Orleans; it is a city steeped in American history with tons for visitors to do.  I did some research on the internet and am very excited about the possibilities.  Also, it's only about 5 hours from Barney's parents house, so I am planning to drive there, drop off the kids, and then continue the trip down to New Orleans.  The trick has become figuring out when to go.  I am not interested in the Mardi Gras scene, and Mardi Gras is in March this year, so March is out.  That left February and April (after April I will either be too pregnant to travel or have a newborn).  The benefit to February is that it is closer to the events being celebrated and that I won't be as huge yet.  The benefit to April is that it will be warm outside, making seeing the city more enjoyable.  I talked to Barney's mom about dates and am waiting to hear back from her, but I'm leaning towards April if possible.

In the meantime, to make it more fun and exciting, I've started sending Barney an email once a day with a short clue as to what his surprise is going to be, and then I will tell him what the plans are on his birthday.  Yesterday, he called me while I was downstairs and he was upstairs at about 8:00pm to remind me that he hadn't gotten his daily hint, so I know he is enjoying the building suspense.

So far, here have been my hints in this order:

1. No kids allowed
2. Drew Brees won't be there
3. There will be no cold January winds that we have to worry about
4. Keep your camera at hand--you never know when we might run into a Manning.

After Day 1, he was still pretty clueless.  After Day 2, he decided we were going to a football game.  After Day 3, he decided we were going to a football game in a dome stadium.  I wanted to keep him on the football track for a while longer, and so I thought it was genius to come up with the Manning clue, as they are obviously a huge football name.  I was thinking he might start thinking something about going to or attending Super Bowl or even Pro Bowl related events.  I was totally gobsmacked when he got his email this afternoon and simply said, "Oh, we're going to Louisiana.  What are we going to do there?"  I thought today's hint was my most obtuse, but I completely gave away the whole game.  I have nine days to try to confuse him again though.  Maybe enough confusing hints will make up for what had to be the worst poker face ever.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 36--Not Just Vicarious Fun

Before George was born and before either of Barney's brothers were married (only one is now), it was extremely common for one or both brothers to show up at our house with little or no notice and to stake claim in our guestroom for extended periods of time ranging from two days to a week or so.  I wasn't awesome at handling these visits, to say the least.  I would vacillate between trying to make them feel very welcome by killing myself making meals, cleaning up, and then hiding out the rest of the time, to displaying very passive aggressive behavior about how much I was not enjoying these stays.  It's not that I don't like the brothers--I do, very much.  But, they were unmarried and unattached.  They demanded all of Barney's time and attention and would not clean up after themselves or make any effort to include me (of course, as I said, I was not necessarily the most pleasant to be around).

Then, we had George, and things began to change out of necessity.  The visits became much more rare and were much shorter.  Things improved dramatically again when Marshall became serious with his now-wife who would gently remind him about being a conscientious guest.  I also relaxed some and began to be able to take things more in-stride, feeling more secure in my role as a wife.  I stopped dreading the visits and began to look forward to them, for Barney's sake.

But this trip with Marshall was the first time where one of the brothers has spent more than a few hours at the house without a significant other in tow where it was actually and honestly fun for me.  There have been many times where it was pleasant, and for years now I have been glad for Barney to get to spend the time with his brothers, but that is not the same thing as actively having fun myself.  This weekeend I interacted more with the guys and spent less time worrying about how much extra work and less sleep it meant, and I just enjoyed getting to play games and fix food that was appreciated and watching my children enjoy their uncle.

That said, I am mind-numbingly exhausted, and I am still catching up on school work not completed over the weekend.  However, my house is clean, my refrigerator is well-stocked, and I am very proud of myself for also getting up and getting the children ready for church instead of taking the easy way out this morning.  Tomorrow is my morning to sleep in, and hopefully I will wake refreshed and ready for the week.  Even if that doesn't happen, I know I will wake up happy to have had such a successful weekend.

P.S. I'm working on a fun birthday/Valentine's day surprise for Barney that I can't wait to tell you about in my next post.  Too tired tonight though :)

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Days 34 & 35--More Brotherly Love

I have only gone two days without blogging, but I feel like I've abandoned post :(.  It was not for lack of intention on my part, I promise.  My mom and I were talking on Thursday night, and she asked me our plans for the weekend.  When I told her that we didn't have any plans, she was fairly surprised, as that is unlike us.  Friday rolled in, and we were still planless, so I decided to plan a romantic night at home for the two of us--dinner, a rom com, and hot chocolate for dessert.

But, right after lunch on Friday, my brother called, and he and his wife were coming into town for the evening and wanted to see if we were up for dinner.  Of course we were--the kids love seeing their uncle and aunt, and so do we.  So, my plan was quickly revised to dinner out with the fam, hot chocolate at Barnes and Noble followed by a romantic movie just the two of us at home, as my brother was going to a basketball game.  By 7:15, we were headed home for an early night after a really fun dinner.

Literally, as my brother and his wife pulled out from behind to head their separate way for the night, Barney's phone rang, and it was his oldest brother.  We will call him Marshall.  Marshall's wife and son are out of town for the weekend, and Marshall wanted to head up to our house for some board games.  Of course, we said yes.  He arrived at almost 9:00pm, and we stayed up until almost 3:00am playing.  The movie was obviously abandoned and forgotten.

It turns out that Marshall's wife is out of town until tomorrow night, and tomorrow is Marshall's birthday.  So, I decided to have a birthday celebration for the boys.  We started the day with doughnuts (our regular Saturday routine).  This was followed by a game during morning nap, which I followed up with homemade tacos for lunch.  We played another game during the afternoon naptime, and then Olivia and I headed to the grocery store for buy the ingredients we needed to make the birthday dinner--steak, mashed potatoes (a rare treat since I don't like them), macaroni and cheese, zucchini, and crescent rolls.  For cake, we had brownie sundaes.  George could not be more excited to have his uncle in town and has been narrating for him all day long the progress on getting the ice cream purchased and the brownies made.

After the kids were in bed, we continued our marathon game weekend with two more games.  It's now 1:30am.  I have not had a single moment of relaxation today, but it has been a really good and fun day.  I'm trying not to think about how I will pay for it tomorrow when I am up super early and catching up on work all day long.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Day 33--Some Updates

I thought I would start off today by giving you guys a few updates on previous day's activities and how they turned out.  Barney found his third note today in his chest of drawers.  This one was in his sock drawer and simply said, "You knock my socks off!"  Super original and exciting I know.  Despite the lack of originality, it garnered a sweet hug and kiss for me--more than payoff in my opinion.  He still has two more notes hidden somewhere in his shirt drawers.

He still has not seen the Facebook letter I wrote him, despite the fact that he has recently been on Facebook quite a bit because he updated his status to let everyone know that we are having a boy.  I haven't decided if I will eventually tell him or just let him find some time in the distant future. 

He found the updated flash drive backed up with all of his information the next morning, and after grilling me to see what I had elected to put on there, was pleased with the result.  Again, it wasn't the most romantic of gestures, but I'm considering cleaning his closet as an upcoming project, and backing up his files might just be more romantic than a closet cleaning.

Today's was another private moment that I've decided not to blog about in detail other than to say that it required a surprising attitude adjustment on my part and that once I was able to adjust my attitude, it was well worth it.  It really is amazing how often attitude adjustments or realignment of my thoughts are a major component of improving my relationship with my husband.  It really is a bleak reminder that for me at least, selfishness seems to be the default mode that I have all too often to work my way out of.  While I don't think this is universally true--for example, I don't experience the same level of selfishness when dealing with my children, it seems pretty consistent in how I approach my marriage and relationship with Barney.  The more I reflect though, the more I think that I need to add laziness in here as another big part of the problem.  Sometimes I am being selfish, but sometimes I am just being lazy.  For example, right now I am sitting on the couch typing, Barney is close by playing a video game, Olivia is in bed, and George is on the floor playing with his toys.  He requested a milk refill three times a few minutes ago before I got up and got it for him--not because I minded him having milk but because I wanted Barney to go get it.  There is nothing preventing me from doing this and letting Barney continue his game uninterrupted--I just didn't feel like getting up.  The worst part is that I had to work not to resent Barney for not getting it, even though it was a general request made for either of us and there was no reason that I was any less available than he.

I wonder if there was something inherent in this or if it is a way of life that we have progressed into as the years have passed.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 32--Hamburger, Fries, and a Chocolate Shake Please

I can't say this for sure, but I would guess that everyone has something that they wish they could change about themselves.  I have several, and pretty high on the list would be adjusting my food tastes so that I would not have such a limited palate.  I think it would make me a better cook, and it would certainly make me a more fun dining companion.  Barney has always been very patient with my various food aversions, but it does mean that he doesn't get to eat some of his favorite foods very often.  Case in point would be potatoes.  From infancy, I have despised the taste of potatoes--they feel and taste like dirt in my mouth.

When I tell people I don't like potatoes, they inevitably misunderstand and start quizzing me on the various potato forms--french fries, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, hash browns, tater tots, and on and on.  The answer is nope, I don't like any variety of potatoes.  I also don't like ketchup.  Or hamburgers.  Or milkshakes.  Hamburgers, french fries, and milk shakes are some of Barney's absolute favorite foods, but his favorite places that serve these types of food tend not to have much food that I like, so we rarely go, though I am getting somewhat better about this, especially since both of our kids like french fries a lot.  Unfortunately, George's taste in food takes after me, so we look for all the variety we can get in his diet.  Other people let their kids eat french fries as a special treat; we secretly feel like throwing a party when our son eats them just because it means he's eating something.

I noticed a new burger place by one of our favorite shopping areas a few days ago, so I decided to treat Barney to lunch today by taking him to the new restaurant and getting him a burger, fries, and a milkshake.  It was $12 out of my budget, but Barney was so excited.  Unfortunately, the food was not his favorite--it was "gourmet"--ie the fries were cooked in olive oil and seasoned with rosemary, and so it was not exactly the food that Barney had in mind.  We had fun on the outing though, and Barney was definitely excited to get to eat a hamburger, etc, while with me.  

While we were there, we got a call for yet another showing, which meant back to the house for quick clean up.  We've never had such a rush of showings before, and I have to admit that it's making me hopeful that we might actually sell our house before baby boy is born.  I'm trying not to get them up too high, however.  Our last update from the realtor showed that our house has been on the market for over 300 days at this point.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Day 31--A Fleeting Moment

I first heard Olivia stirring at 7:20 this morning, though she was not fussy.  It took me about ten minutes to muster the energy to rouse myself, but by the time I got up, I was armed with a set itinerary and plan of action for getting the kids off to school.  Blessedly, everything went pretty much according to plan and outside of hitting the trash cans that I had just put on the curb and having to pile the trash back in the bins, things went smoothly.  I was disturbed to note then that it took me slightly over an hour and a half to get myself and the kids dressed, breakfasted (kids only), beds and lunches made, and out the door.  If that was us on a good day, I am going to be in trouble when it comes time to have them in school well before 9:00am, which is when we rolled into daycare this morning.

I went home, got my breakfast made and was settling down to work when Barney called.  He was trying to trick me into thinking that he was still at his brother's house (a favorite ruse—easily detected), but I heard his Achilles’ heel talking to him in the background.  By Achilles’ heel, I mean his GPS, which he relies on to excess, much to the amusement and exasperation of his father-in-law.  Barney knows perfectly well how to get home from his brother's house, but he feels comforted by the GPS, and there is really no harm done, so I try not to complain.

He called again about 45 minutes from home, and I decided upon hanging up with him that it would be a perfect time to break for a quick nap.  It would be long enough to refresh me, and his coming home would be sure to wake me up and prevent me from an unintended two hour nap that would both mess with my ability to finish my work for today and my sleep pattern for tonight.  I finished up what I was working on and was sound asleep less than 15 minutes later.

When I woke up, I was completely disoriented.  My first thought was that I had somehow overslept and forgotten the children who would frantically need me by this point.  Then I realized I was on the couch and the house was silent, so I knew I had taken a nap and all was well.  I immediately became concerned again though because whatever had awakened me that was not Barney returning home, making me think I had slept two hours after all.  My computer chose that time to freeze on my screensaver, so I couldn't check the time and wasn't awake enough yet to think to look at the wall clock on our mantel.

It was right at this moment that I had this brief instant of clarity of thought about what it would be to experience life without Barney--if two hours had passed, and he was not home, then something terrible had happened.  It was a moment of knowing that I could survive as a mother and person without him but that I wouldn't want to and wouldn't ever quite know the same joy again.

People who know me well, including Barney himself, know that this moment is not the first time I have had such fears or such revelations.  It is in my nature to worry, panic, and to imagine worst case scenarios.  The five months that Barney spent travelling for his job out into remote parts of the Texas country were some of the hardest of my life because I was constantly fighting down the fear of losing him.  Cell phones are both my biggest blessing and my biggest bane because when I call and he answers, it is the end to major panic, but if I call and he doesn't answer, my worry only compounds upon itself.

Luckily, I didn't even have to try to call him this time.  It turns out that I had only been asleep for half an hour and what woke me up was actually Barney arriving home; he was taking care of a few things outside before coming in to rouse me.  What I took from the moment this time that is perhaps unique from the other panicky moments in the past was the comfort in knowing that if I did lose him right now, it would be at a time when I know that he knows how much I love him and when I know that he is as happy and secure in our marriage as I am.  It is also not lost on me this comfort was not something I have really ever even glancingly considered in my past experiences.  I have too often forgotten to outwardly love Barney, instead relying on him to intuit my feelings simply because he is my soul mate.  And, I have too often considered our relationship only from the vantage point of my own perspective, forgetting that things that happen in our relationship happen to us both and that my experience is not always his experience and that my job as his wife is to try to validate, understand, and improve on his experiences.  Today felt like proof of a little bit of progress in that arena.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 30--Not Cut Out to Be a Single Parent

I am impressed with myself for even having the energy to write this post, I have to admit.  Today was quite a day.  After waking up late, we rushed around ready to go to the doctor's office for our 19 week visit and sonogram, where we learned that we are having another boy!  Then, while we were there, we got a call for another showing for today between 2:00-4:00.  So, we finally got to go home only to have to get the house ready for another showing.

While we were getting ready, one of Barney's brothers called to see if Barney would come over and spend the night with the two brothers before the youngest leaves the country for five months.  I knew that he would really want to go, even before he hung up the phone.  So despite being completely behind in work due to being sick and the events of the morning, I immediately agreed that he should go.  He was suspicious that it was a trap or that I would be mad later even though I said yes, which made me sad.  But, hopefully I will be able to change that perception throughout the course of this year.

As soon as the house was showing ready, he headed off to see his brothers, and I headed off to Barnes and Noble to get some work done.  After an hour and a half or so, I decided to grab a kid's meal chicken salad sandwich from Zoë’s and an iced tea from Sonic to be my dinner later, and then I headed to pick up the kids.

George wanted to go play at the park, and we compromised on playing at the playground at the mall, since it was too cold to play outside.  After about half an hour of that fun, we headed home for dinner.  I fixed Olivia a bean and cheese burrito and got her situated while I made George's peanut butter and jelly sandwich and strawberries.  I got him situated and started getting out my own food, which I was very excited about, not least of which because the last thing I'd eaten was oatmeal for breakfast at about 11:00am.

Before I could even get my food on a plate though, I realized that George had decided he was cold and thus brought in my favorite cream-colored throw that was a wedding present.  He had put his strawberry on top of the throw which he was using as a mitten to keep his hand warm.  Needless to say, the red stains were very large and apparent.  I may have slightly overreacted to what I saw, based on the reaction from both kids: immediate waterworks.  So, then I had to smooth over that episode, go stain treat the blanket, and then get my food ready. 

By this point, Olivia was finished eating, so I let her get down to go play, and George and I sat down to eat.  He was still upset from being yelled at and wanted to sit in my lap.  Of course I agreed.  This of course immediately led to a strong need on his part to eat my chips.  Only, I didn't want to share--they complement the chicken salad perfectly.  Being the strong mother that I am, I did what any good mother would do.  I went and got him Cheetos of his own to eat.  But of course, then Olivia needs Cheetos too.  So, I convince them to share the little bag.  This consists of George laying across my lap with the bag in his hand, while Olivia toddles over from time to time to get one or two more, each time appearing more and more orange in stranger and stranger places.  Like her ears.  And rump.

However, they are happy, and I am eating my sandwich and chips in a mood of harmony.  I even think to myself that the night has gotten pretty smoothly all and all and congratulate myself on handling everything so well.  Fast forward approximately 15 seconds.  George decides to sit up in my lap, in the process knocking over my still full Route 44 unsweet tea and breaking it into several pieces.

I go to get the towels to clean this up, very distraught at my sudden lack of an enjoyable beverage for the rest of the night, to find Olivia happily smashing individual Cheetos into as many clean Tupperware containers as possible.  I get things into a semblance of an order and declare dinnertime over.  It is now bath time.  Happily bath time was very smooth.  After bath, Olivia was placed into bed, George got to watch a little bit of Curious George and then followed her to bed shortly thereafter.

Finally, I could eat my dinner in peace.  Except, somehow, what was left of my sandwich, chips, and pickle (almost all of it) are still sitting right there in the fridge where I deposited them before bath time.  The chocolate cake that was my extra special treat is sitting right here beside me though, almost half eaten.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Day 29--Hidden Love Notes

Sadly, I have not quite been able to shake off whatever I have managed to catch, but I feel better tonight than I have for the last forty eight hours for sure.  Today was a hectic day because we had another showing.  Showings are such a complicated part of our life.  On the one hand, we know that we won't sell our house until we show to the right person, but on the other hand, we have been showing our house for months and months now, with not even a single nibble.  So, what they represent in practice is a lot of work and inconvenience, even though what they represent in theory is a chance to finally sell our house.  We both waver back and forth between utter excitement at the idea of selling our house and getting to move into something more suitable and the conviction that we will never sell this house and will live here for the rest of our lives.  Each showing brings all of those conflicting emotions right back to the forefront.

Today, we used the time to head to the grocery store to pick up some much needed items, so at least that part of the day was not wasted, but by the time we got home, I was more than exhausted.  After we got the groceries unloaded and put away, it was nap time for the kids and nap time for mommy while Barney watched football.

When I woke up, I felt somewhat better than I have since Friday, so I snuck upstairs and created several notes that I hid in each of Barney's drawers in his chest of drawers.  They range from silly to sweet to slightly more serious.  Hopefully he will find them over the course of several days and have several separate occasions of enjoyment out of them.  So far, he hasn't found any yet, and since he doesn't usually open those drawers at night, I am not expecting him to find any until the morning.

Tomorrow is a rushed morning because we have an early doctor's appointment where we (hopefully) find out what we are having, so it may be the perfect time to find a quick note to remind him of how awesome that I think he is :)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Day 27 & 28--A Date and an Illness

I woke up yesterday morning to a text message from a dear friend offering to come through on a free babysitting coupon that she had given me for my birthday and that had never been redeemed.  I immediately dropped my initial plan for yesterday and took it upon myself to plan a date for Barney and myself.

After hard thought, I could not come up with a single day in all of 2010 when we brought in a babysitter and had a night out just the two of us.  We tend to go out to eat at lunch instead, since we already have childcare lined up during that hour. 

So, I looked up movie times and restaurant information before he woke up, and then while he was taking the kids to school, I sent him an evite for our date.  He came home with a huge grin on his face, and it was clear that he was honestly excited about the prospect of our date.

We both gussied ourselves up, and we were out the door by 6:00 to head to a steakhouse not too far from our house that we had never visited but always wanted to.  We shared a Steak au Poivre, the house salad, broccolini, mashed potatoes, shrimp scampi, and macaroni and cheese followed by a brownie sundae for dessert.  I can't imagine how much food there would have been if we had gotten separate meals.

Somehow we thought we had tons of time since our movie did not start until 7:50, but when our check arrived, we looked at the time only to discover that the movie started in five minutes.  We dashed to the theatre and missed the previews but none of the film itself--Black Swan.  Barney is a lifelong Natalie Portman fan, and so we were both pretty excited to see this one.  It was good, though in a creepy way.

All in all it was an excellent night out.  It was filled with good food, enjoyable conversation, and several good laughs.  It's funny how before George was born, a night consisting of dinner out and a movie at the theater were par for the course, whereas now they are few and far between.  I think that just makes them all the more enjoyable when we do get to have one though.

The bad news is that today I woke up with a nice fever, major body aches, and an inability to do much of anything that requires me to leave the couch.  Poor Barney has basically had to take care of both kids and me all day long, making it hard for me to do much in the way of my project today.  My plan is to order him a pizza and corral the kids somewhere upstairs when the Colts game comes on this evening.  Barney is a huge Colts fan, and he is going to need the break at that point.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 26--A Backup Plan

We decided to spend last Easter in Houston with Barney's family, in part so that we could hear Barney's dad give his Easter Sunday sermon.  I worked full time for a university in an administrative position at that time, and I had much less flexibility in terms of my hours, meaning that I would be working a full eight hours for most of that trip.

We arrived after dinner one night, and when I went to power things up the next morning, disaster struck.  At that time, I had been saving all of my files on a flash drive, with a backup system being created once a month or so.  I was a couple of days past my backup date, and when I went to open my files, nothing worked.  Something apparently happened on the drive to Houston that destroyed my flash drive.  It looked totally normal on the outside, and I was not aware of any issues related to my laptop bag.  But, I worked for hours and tried everything to no avail.  About 5 weeks’ worth of work was completely gone, setting me and the project I was currently working on back a very long ways.  It was a huge disaster.  I quickly moved to saving everything on my laptop and to using a (new) flash drive as my backup system.

Fast forward to the middle of the summer.  In an attempt to help sell our house, Barney and I rented a storage unit and cleaned out as much of our stuff as we could put into storage.  Barney handled the office, which is his domain, and our flash drives apparently went into storage.  This means that neither of us have backed up our files in, oh, six months or so.  Not our smartest move ever.  So, today when I was out shopping, I bought each of us a new backup flash drive.  And, I am currently in the process of backing up the files on both of our computers.  I am going to file them away, and I have set up a calendar reminder for once a month at this time to pull them out and to create a new set of backup files.

It's not the most romantic gesture I've come up with, but I promise that if something ever happens to his computer, he will be very, very grateful for it then.  And sometimes our most sincere outpourings of love come in the form of our most practical gestures.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day 25--A Morning Treat

One of my earliest ideas was to surprise Barney with a cafe mocha from Starbucks one day.  He loves the drink, but they are mostly a special treat and not something that he buys very often.  Usually he gets them if only we are travelling.  And that is exactly why I thought it would be a fun special treat for him.  It's very out of the ordinary, and I don't think I have ever just randomly brought him one.

When trying to figure out the logistics of it, I initially thought that since it was my morning to get up with the kids, I would just get them up, feed and dress them, and then take them to school early so that I could pick up his mocha and have it waiting for him when I woke up.  But, Barney did that for me one day several months ago in an attempt to let me sleep, and though I appreciated the extra sleep, I hated not seeing the kids until the afternoon.  So, I scrapped that plan.  Plan B was that I would make him a mocha at home.  I figured it would take only three ingredients--coffee, steamed milk, and chocolate.  So, I texted a friend who worked at Starbucks for several years, and she texted back that I needed espresso rather than coffee.  So, that was no longer an option. 

Plan C was that I would let Barney wake up and see the kids but then would take them to school and then go get his treat.  By the time Barney woke up and we had everything ready to go, it was 9:15, and this week continues to be very busy, so Plan C was not really looking very feasible anymore.  I was starting to get discouraged when I brilliantly came up with Plan D.  Plan D was to rush out of the house and to take the hated red car to Starbucks while Barney dropped the kids off at school, never suspecting that I was anywhere but at home working.

I went with Plan D.  The reason that this extremely logical plan took me so long to formulate stems from my deep-seated hatred of our red car.  It was the first car we purchased together, and we bought it sight-unseen based on a strong recommendation.  As soon as I saw it, I realized it was exactly the wrong car for my personality, but we owned it and it was ours.  Luckily, we now have a perfectly serviceable SUV that we use for 99% of our travels to and fro, and the red car generally sits dormant next to the house.  I never think of driving it because I don't like it.  The radio does not work, and the digital controls in the car, including the odometer and clock don't work.  The AC doesn't work.  The windshield wiper fluid container is broken.  But, it drives, and it got me to Starbucks where there was magically no line.  Then, when I noted Chick-fil-a just next door, it got me through those drives, where there was again no line.

I was disappointed when Barney beat me home, but he was pumped and very touched by the drink.  He gave me a big hug and told me he was so lucky to have such a sweet wife.  At that moment, I was very grateful for the red car, which allowed me to be able to formulate my Plan D.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Day 24--A Facebook Surprise

Barney and I were very late to the Facebook revolution.  We signed up at the same time, approximately a year ago last August.  Before that I had purposefully and publicly scorned Facebook and had taken pleasure in being just about the only person I knew without an account (at least in my generation).  Part of the honest truth though was that I was afraid I would become a Facebook addict, since I am online so much anyway.

However, when we both starting working from home, we figured we would probably need the outlet as a way to keep up with our friends.  So, we both got accounts.  For a while it was fun to see people add us as friends and to have a friendly competition over who would have more friends.  Barney quickly won that contest.  But, within a couple of weeks, I pretty much lost all interest in Facebook.  I just honestly don't get it.  We both will check the newsfeed occasionally when we are bored--like when we are in the car but not driving, waiting at a doctor's appointment, etc.  But, we rarely to never make posts unless it is to answer a direct question, and that is the extent of our use.

So, last night when I was trying to come up with my plan for today, I was surprised that the idea I kept coming back to was posting a sweet message on Facebook for Barney.  The reason I like it is because it will be so thoroughly unexpected.  I hear that many couples routinely communicate with one another over Facebook, but we never have.  And, since he rarely checks Facebook, I'm not even sure when he will get the message.  My hope is that it will be a sweet surprise amidst the drivel of finding out former classmates' horoscopes, latest rant against some pop culture issue, or latest game accomplishment.

And who knows, by the time he sees it, it could well be a surprise to me as too :)

Also, just to update from yesterday--yes, today was a better day.  We had no accidents from either children, though my cat decided to throw himself into the lot by having his first indoor accident in living memory.  I'm not sure if it was the new litter box that threw him off or if it was revenge for our extended holiday trip.  Either way, it was unpleasant.  I am pleased to report that my attitude and demeanor were much improved over yesterday's performance though . . .

In the Interest of Transparency, My Note:

We may live in this house for-ev-er. And we may have to sleep on a bed that suddenly smells like cat urine. We may have to learn to discipline the world's cutest little girl. And we may have to one day face up to the fact that she will start liking, kissing, and dating boys. We may have to watch Curious George episodes another 1,563 times before our son tires of them. And we may have to spend the same number of nights staying up until midnight to make sure our boy has one last potty break.

We will likely face much worse than everything I described above before all is said and done. But, no matter what we face, as long as we are together, I will always know that I am lucky. And blessed. To have a true soulmate and life companion makes everything else just an adventure to get to experience with you.

I may or may not be avoiding sleeping in the contaminated bed right now, but I promise that the only reason I am venturing up there at all is so that I won't miss even one night without you.

I love you.

yours,
Amy
 
(Everything discussed in here was something we talked about today)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Day 23--A Rough Start

Today was our first day back to work, and it did not start off well.  I woke up with great intentions and everything.  Today was my day to get up first, so when George got me up, I quickly got up and out of the room so Barney could get some more sleep.  I also knew that I was waiting a large pile of work for the day.

However, we faced immediate setbacks.  We spent all of 2010 potty training with George, and in the last six weeks, we have been accident free.  However, he had an accident in his bed around midnight last night, which we dealt with.  I was shocked when he had had a second accident sometime this morning before getting out of bed.  We've never had two accidents in a row like that.  But, I dealt with it, got him dressed, and got Olivia dressed. 

We headed downstairs to make Barney breakfast--blueberry muffins, which are rarely made and thus always a special treat.  My plan was breakfast in bed with a sweet note.  But, right before the muffins came out, George came in to let me know that he had wet his pants, which never happens.  I was shocked and dismayed.  I sent him up to his room to get new clothes, and once I took the muffins out, I followed him up.  I found that he had had a fourth accident on his carpet, which he was trying to clean up but only making worse.

At this point, I fairly well broke down.  I unceremoniously took Olivia into our bedroom and told Barney he had to take care of her while I dealt with George.   I started scrubbing the carpet determined to improve my attitude and frame of mind, but then Barney walks in on the phone.  He is talking to CSS about a house showing today.  I look around my house and see Christmas boxes everywhere along with a pile of laundry and a sink full of dishes needing to go in the dishwasher, which had to be emptied.  Not to mention the dirty carpet I was trying to clean...

At this point, my resolve collapsed entirely.  I was panicked, rushed, and utterly overwhelmed at the great amount of work facing me today.  I actually sat down and yelled in frustration, and I am not talking about yelling at a person.  I'm talking about just letting out a loud yell.  We were gone for nine days and had no showings.  Of course we had a showing the day after we get back.  Of course it would be the day George decided to have some weird setback/meltdown.

Throughout the day I tried multiple times to get a better grip on my attitude, but it seemed like every time I would build some resolve, something new would happen that would just eat away at it.  Finally, we got the house cleaned up and were able to head out in time for the showing.  Only after that point did I achieve any modicum of ability to offer much in the way of support to my husband.  If I'm being honest, most of the day he probably did best to avoid me as much as possible.  I am touched by how well he handled my stress, but I am going in for an early night tonight in hopes of a better perspective and a fresh start for the morning.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Day 22--My Legs Might Fall Off

I went to bed last night and woke up this morning knowing that I have exactly one day (today) to get done anything I want before I am hit with a heavy workload of returning back to classes.  (I am not sure if I have ever officially said what I do on here, so for anyone who doesn't know, I teach online English at the university level for a couple of schools).  My goal for the day was to do as much as I could in terms of household preparation without Barney's assistance, as he hates chores like the ones I had scheduled for myself.  I assumed he would watch football, and he did.  But more than that, he got to play a new video game he got for Christmas, and that made him very happy indeed.

My project list consisted of two primary goals for the day--go grocery shopping (we've been gone for 10 days after all) and put away Christmas (I can't stand Christmas decorations after Christmas--it's just depressing).  This morning our children blessedly slept in, which meant that we missed church.  But, when they got up, we got donuts, and then I went to make black eyed peas.  Where I am from, eating black eyed peas is a crucial New Year's Day tradition, as they bring good luck.  We missed yesterday, so I didn't want to miss them today too.  And, I was excited because I was going to get to use my new Le Creuset Dutch oven, which Barney gave me for Christmas. 

When I went to find the stuff I needed though, I couldn't find quite a few of my new kitchen items.  After panicking, I remembered that I had put them all in the dishwasher before we left, and the women who occasionally clean our house emptied the dishwasher while we were gone.  This lead to an impromptu total reorganization of several kitchen drawers and one of my big kitchen cabinets.  Between making the peas and re-organizing the kitchen, I was looking at a good hour and a half of busy work. 

I then headed upstairs to start work on the Christmas stuff, and my goal was to get the empty boxes out of the attic.  But, before heading up, I decided to get some tubs of too-small clothes out of Olivia's room to take up to the attic while I was at it.  That lead to me finding all kinds of infant gear in her closet that I just don't notice anymore.  Next thing I knew, I had completely taken out tons of stuff to put in the attic and then re-organized all of her cubby, toy bins, and closet.  Another hour and a half gone.

Finally, I made it up to the attic and got the boxes out.  After a quick break for lunch (black eyed peas of course!), I took down and packed up all of the Christmas stuff during the afternoon nap time.  When the kids woke up, it was time for grocery shopping.  Barney volunteered to come with me, and while I let him know he was welcome to stay home, I didn't push too much when he said he would come.  By this point, I was pretty tired, and I knew I could use the help.  I figure that if I met my goals at the cost of extreme exhaustion or by pushing myself too far, I will end up setting us up for issues later.  I have to sometimes remind myself that the goal here is not to take on all of the responsibility for myself, because that is not a healthy marriage or partnership.

So, we all went shopping, then I came home and made a new dish posted by the Pioneer Woman that I thought Barney would really like (Asian meatballs with pineapple and green peppers).  It was a hit.  Sadly, we ran out of time to get things up in the attic today, but overall, I think it was a very successful day.  My plan now is a long bath and then an early bedtime in preparation for tomorrow.  I am sad that the holidays are over, as it was a good few weeks.  But, as I have explained to George multiple times in the last couple of days, Christmas can only happen once a year, and now it is over. 

Daily grind here I come.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Day 21--Happy New Year!

Three weeks into the project, and we finally actually hit the official day for starting a New Year's Resolution.  Not bad for someone with noticeable procrastination tendencies! ;)

Today, we left Houston and headed back home for Fort Worth.  The morning started very early, at 6:30 am after a 2:30 am bedtime.  But, I got up and used the extra time with the kids to get ahead in my work, knowing that once we got home, I would have tons to do to prepare for Monday.  By the time Barney rolled out of bed at 10:00am though, I was completely knackered, and I fell asleep on the couch in the midst of all of the hubbub of the morning.  No one seemed to mind too much, which was nice.

I decided to finish out the trip by letting Barney have as much brother time as he could squeeze in before I wanted to leave at 2:00, which is when both kids nap.  So, after my short rest, I got up and packed all four of us up and brought the bags downstairs (one by one essentially).  If I am honest, this is absolutely our routine every time we leave his parents' house.  I am always the one who is more ready to go home, while Barney is always trying to squeeze in just a little bit more time with his family.  The difference is that I wasn't seething inside with rage this time.  I wasn't even upset.

We had a pretty uneventful drive home, and we got in around 7:00pm.  I knew that I had a lot to do tomorrow, so I was super motivated and unpacked everyone, including all Christmas presents, in order to be able to focus on putting away Christmas tomorrow.  Usually, I unpack everything but Barney's bags, but tonight, I looked at them and knew that if I didn't unpack them, they might not be unpacked for a week.  I figured it was the nice thing to do, so I just unpacked them as well.  I admit that the sense of satisfaction at having everything put away is stronger than it probably should be.

But, we had a great trip, we are home, we are unpacked, and I am ready to take on the challenges of tomorrow!

Days 19 & 20--Nearing the End of the Attitude Adjustment Project

Yesterday was my first day not to get a blog posted, and in the end I literally just ran out of time.  I feel disappointed in myself on the one hand, but upon reflection, I also think that the real goal here is not to post a new blog every day (though it is ideal) but to continue to work on my project with a goal every single day, which I have.

Tomorrow is New Year's day, and I am feeling good about my goal overall.  I am excited to get home and to move onto new projects and ideas, but I am also excited about how my overall goal has gone while I've been at the in-laws.  It was pretty major to tackle the toughest spot in our marriage so early in this project, but to not tackle it was to avoid the spirit of my project, which is to ultimately make Barney happy, improve our marriage, and also to become a better wife.

The further along that we get in the trip, the easier it has become to maintain a positive attitude and to maintain an altered attitude towards the entire situation that I described in my previous posts.  I think it would be dishonest not to admit that part of this is because I know that I am nearing the end of my stay and am headed home soon.  But, my positive spirit has not just improved things with Barney; it has made being here more fun.  I think I was so wrapped up in what I felt like was an unjust situation that I was making the situation much worse myself without realizing it.

Of course, I know that we are far from the last of our difficulties as they relate to the in-laws.  There is a particular situation a brew that I am entirely unsure of how to handle, so I am busy just avoiding dealing with it altogether.  Barney's middle brother went to Europe to earn his PhD, and the family is going overseas to the graduation ceremony in 2011.  The original plan was that Barney and I both would be on the trip, without question.  But, the graduation ceremony is on June 24, a mere two weeks after my two date.  Obviously, for me to go to Europe at that point is out of the question, but Barney still really wants to go.  I know that his brother will only graduate with his doctorate one time and I want Barney to be there to share that moment with his brother.  But, I am also more than hesitant to tackle caring for a newborn in addition to George and Olivia by myself (or even with the aid of my mother).

Nothing this week has made the solution to the graduation situation any clearer for me, and thinking about it still makes me upset.  I wanted to share this so that you would know that while I think I've made great strides this week towards this one particular issue, I am fully aware that I have not created some magical solution for a perfect marriage or even solved this specific set of problems.  But I will go home tomorrow morning knowing that I helped to make this Christmas holiday season more fun--less than insignificant in the long run but enough for now.