Yesterday was my first day not to get a blog posted, and in the end I literally just ran out of time. I feel disappointed in myself on the one hand, but upon reflection, I also think that the real goal here is not to post a new blog every day (though it is ideal) but to continue to work on my project with a goal every single day, which I have.
Tomorrow is New Year's day, and I am feeling good about my goal overall. I am excited to get home and to move onto new projects and ideas, but I am also excited about how my overall goal has gone while I've been at the in-laws. It was pretty major to tackle the toughest spot in our marriage so early in this project, but to not tackle it was to avoid the spirit of my project, which is to ultimately make Barney happy, improve our marriage, and also to become a better wife.
The further along that we get in the trip, the easier it has become to maintain a positive attitude and to maintain an altered attitude towards the entire situation that I described in my previous posts. I think it would be dishonest not to admit that part of this is because I know that I am nearing the end of my stay and am headed home soon. But, my positive spirit has not just improved things with Barney; it has made being here more fun. I think I was so wrapped up in what I felt like was an unjust situation that I was making the situation much worse myself without realizing it.
Of course, I know that we are far from the last of our difficulties as they relate to the in-laws. There is a particular situation a brew that I am entirely unsure of how to handle, so I am busy just avoiding dealing with it altogether. Barney's middle brother went to Europe to earn his PhD, and the family is going overseas to the graduation ceremony in 2011. The original plan was that Barney and I both would be on the trip, without question. But, the graduation ceremony is on June 24, a mere two weeks after my two date. Obviously, for me to go to Europe at that point is out of the question, but Barney still really wants to go. I know that his brother will only graduate with his doctorate one time and I want Barney to be there to share that moment with his brother. But, I am also more than hesitant to tackle caring for a newborn in addition to George and Olivia by myself (or even with the aid of my mother).
Nothing this week has made the solution to the graduation situation any clearer for me, and thinking about it still makes me upset. I wanted to share this so that you would know that while I think I've made great strides this week towards this one particular issue, I am fully aware that I have not created some magical solution for a perfect marriage or even solved this specific set of problems. But I will go home tomorrow morning knowing that I helped to make this Christmas holiday season more fun--less than insignificant in the long run but enough for now.
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