Days 175-180: I'm Back :)

I cannot believe that it has been six days since I last posted.  I cannot believe that it has been six days since I gave birth for that matter.  The first couple of weeks really are a fog of timelessness where days and nights have no meaning and routines are abandoned and time takes on a surreal feeling.

They are also very difficult times for spouses I think because each spouse is struggling to re-write his/her role as a parent and provider, while trying to maintain some sort of humanity for himself/herself, and being a spouse just seems to take a back seat to everything else.

I have found myself frustrated over the past few days, wanting Barney to see me more than he does.  It's not that he's not involved or helping, but sometimes I feel like he just doesn't see or notice how hard this week has been on me.  Then, I started thinking today that he probably feels the same way about me, and it is probably true.  Each of us has picked up a more significant burden and share of responsibilities, so each of us are struggling to figure it all out.  So, if he doesn't see me and how this experience is affecting me, it is because he is too busy living out his own experience of adjusting to being a parent of three.

I have been told that having three kids is a huge adjustment from having two, and I absolutely agree with that assessment now that we are living it.  That said, I am completely and utterly smitten with my new little guy and would not trade him in or give him back for anything.  Hopefully things will become easier the older he gets and especially once we get him into a routine that involves regular naps and sleeping through the night.

This morning, I got up with the kids and made them breakfast and Barney breakfast for the first time since coming home from the hospital.  It felt like a major accomplishment even though it was just poptarts for the kids and a bagel for Barney.  I also managed to do four loads of laundry and to entertain Marshall and his family who came out to meet Lincoln for the first time (most of the rest of the family has already come through at earlier points in the week).  Needless to say I am now exhausted, but I am also ready for my new challenge tomorrow, which is to venture out of the house and to go grocery shopping.  It sounds like a minor thing but feels like a major excursion.  I've noticed that both Barney and I have started reveling in the routine over the past few days.  He was over the moon to get to mow the lawn today, and I was inordinately proud of getting our laundry done.  I guess that is progress from yesterday when I felt proud to have put on makeup and fixed my hair.