Dear Barney,
I feel like our trip to the lake with your family was ultimately a big success, even if seven days was a tinge too long for the kids. I know that the lack of sleep made all of us cranky at times, and I know that there was a night when I felt like you and I had basically not had any quality time together for the whole week. After our brief flare up though, two things happened that really altered my view. The first is going to sound very strange. Even though we had been there for several days, I used the downstairs restroom for the first time on our trip, and I had a vivid flashback to one of the worst days of our marriage, for me. I remember on our other trip to that house, several years ago, sitting in that bathroom and sobbing as quietly as I could. There were several things going on: 1. I already had a premonition that the pregnancy we had just announced would not ultimately be successful, and I was scared about that. But, I was also so convinced at that point in our marriage that if you were asked or forced to choose between me and your other family that you would walk away from me without question. In reality, what I meant by that thought was that you saw your parents and siblings as your real family while I was not nearly as important to you or as loved by you. On that vacation, you spent all of your time with your brothers leaving me to try to figure out a place with the girls, and I did not feel like I fit in with your family.
Remembering that moment while sitting in the same place where it occurred the first time five years ago while feeling some of the same types of things made me realize something very important. Namely, it is very clear that you see me and the children as your family just as much as anyone else in your family, and it is very clear that we are a huge priority in your life. You did a great job of helping with the childcare responsibilities throughout the entire week. While we didn't really have any alone time, I also never felt like you didn't want me around or that you were oblivious to my presence, which is how I sometimes felt in the past. In addition, when I broached my frustrations with you five years ago, you didn't really listen or understand how I felt at all. This week though, after that one short conversation, you did such an amazing job of going out of your way to seek me out a couple of times a day to check in with me and to try to help out during times when I needed a break or to get some work done. You not only listened to what I said, but you made a big effort to try to make things better for me. I want you to know that I noticed and am very appreciative. It is just one more reason why I am so glad that you are mine.
I also worked hard this week to make sure that you had plenty of time with your family, that you got as much sleep as possible, and that you got to participate in the activities that were most interesting and fun for you. In comparing our two trips to that particular house with your family, I believe that I have made huge gains in my abilities to interact with your family as well as in my feeling of truly belonging to the family. I am so glad to feel like I truly belong and can be myself with your family. And, I am so grateful that we both have such wonderful families for our children to be able to grow up with.
I love you.
--me.
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