I title this armchair musings because I have hit that inevitable stage in late pregnancy where the only thing that I really feel is so, so done with being pregnant. I am the opposite of what I have been for the last few months--I have no energy, drive, motivation, or even brain power really. I can't focus for long on anything, and I am accomplishing a tiny percentile of what I have become accustomed to fitting into each day. The one thing that I have managed to do is to finally finish Bush's memoir, which I first started in New Orleans.
As I read the last pages tonight, I was struck again by how impressed I continue to be by Laura Bush. What I am going to say next would probably get me booed on many a stage, especially by many women, but I believe that there are some characteristics that are inherent to both genders, meaning that there are some areas in which women in general are better at than men and vice versa. One area that I believe tends to be more of a strength for women is serving in a supporting/supportive role to a spouse. While I believe that Laura Bush is very much an independent woman, and it is well known that she holds firm to some beliefs that are not consistent with what her husband believes, as far as I can tell she never as First Lady sought to put herself before her husband or to promote herself in her own right. Instead, she appears to have put much of her time and energy throughout all eight years into finding the best possible ways to support her husband as he worked to excel in what has to be one of the absolute toughest jobs in the world.
To Bush's credit, one thing that I think he does better than most men is to both acknowledge and appreciate how much his wife's actions helped him throughout his career. My father-in-law shares that characteristic with Bush. Both men have wives who have devoted their lives to their husbands and their husband's careers, and both men seem to really understand the valuable impact that their wives have on their lives and to regularly show their appreciation of their wives. I think that one reason so many women have shied away from wanting to serve as a support system is simply because they never received any credit or acknowledgement outside of occasional lip service for the hard work and the impact that their actions had on their husbands and their husbands' careers.
As I said before, I believe that the role of supporter, while not only Biblically designated as the wife's role, is also something that comes more naturally to women than it does to men. It is hard for me to picture a man excelling in the role of First Husband or First Spouse or whatever the title would be. Most marriages I can think of where the woman is the dominant person in the marriage are unhappy marriages. Unfortunately for me, being the supporter is not something that comes very naturally. I have to work at it, and while I believe I am improving, it is not second nature for me by any means. I grew up believing that it was my destiny and right to be a completely equal partner in marriage, and it didn't occur to me until long after our wedding vows that one can be equal and take on the role of supporter at the same time.
I don't want to wear the pants in the family, and honestly, I don't think that I really do anymore. But, the house dress and heels still feel entirely alien to me as well. Barney and I make our living in unconventional ways, and we are forging an unconventional partnership to match. There are no marriages that I can think of that we want to model completely, so we are picking and choosing what seems to be the best from those marriages that we most admire and are the most successful, from our parents and grandparents, to longtime friends, and even to world leaders like the Bushes. I hope that one day our children will reflect back on the example that we modeled and find that while not perfect, we did a good job of making our marriage, and each other, a constant priority in our lives and that they will find things in our marriages that they want to emulate in their own marriages with their future spouses.
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