I've been feeling convicted the last couple of days that I have let my focus slide from my marriage and over to my house a bit too often lately. They are so tied together that it can feel very easy to justify my tunnel vision on getting our house in order. After all, this is the hearth and home for both of us, so making it look good and feel like home seems like it is as much for him as it is for me. But, part of me has always known that while he loves this house and is just as vested in it as I am, I have not been doing this for him--in part, it is for me, in part it is the challenge and the drive to see a job well done, and then in part it is for Barney and the kids.
I know that once Jefferson makes his grand entrance, it will be even harder to make my marriage a central focus in my life, so I really need to spend the next month focusing on the marriage and on Barney. There have been moments of late where I have seen glimpses of our relationship as it was prior to embarking on this project, and I am not liking what I see. Even with our trip to New Orleans, we did not connect as much as I was hoping to--it's not that things are bad between us. It's more like static. Or even worse, secondary. It feels like both of us have placed our focus just outside of the realm of our relationship, leaving it to become slightly wilted--much like the roses I so desperately need to water in the pots outside our front door. I am making a Post-It note to remind me that I need to water the roses, and I cannot allow something like that to ever be higher on my to-do list than making my marriage a priority.
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