I finally made it to bed at about 1:30 last night, but I got all presents wrapped and all laundry finished. Despite my late bedtime, a car door woke me at 7:00 this morning and immediately my heart sunk thinking about the house and lack of offer. It was a black cloud over my head, but breakfast and the morning with the kids helped tremendously.
After they were in school, I mentioned my gloomy feelings to Barney, and he replied that he thought he would feel the same way and was pleasantly surprised that he didn't. About an hour later though, it hit him, and we both felt quite out of sorts throughout our whole lunch. The feeling lifted somewhat after lunch, but what depresses me is that I allowed myself to get sucked into it at all. Trying to focus on the positives and reminding myself of my many blessings did not allay my sadness at all. Pathetic. It was only exhaustion that finally broke the spell.
And that brings me to point number two. I seem to have walked straight back into the major pitfall that I vowed to avoid last week--overdoing it in the name of perfection. While what I was trying to perfect was not this project but V-Day, it boils down to the same thing. I was so tired at dinner, I was sick at my stomach and couldn't eat. So I met my (non-work related goals) today, but at what cost? There's nothing romantic about a Valentine date who more closely resembles a zombie than the bride she was seven years ago.
Though nothing went particularly wrong today and Barney seemed to like the meals, presents, and general shape of the day, it has not been my finest hour in my personal opinion.
I hope I do better tomorrow. We are house hunting, which is definitely not high on my list at this time. My goal is to be open-minded and to share in Barney's enthusiasm at imaging the future we want for our family.
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